How to Deal with Offenses: Part 2

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In Part 1 of this post, we discussed the very first part of Matthew 18:15: “If your brother sins against you.” As we found, there is a vital point to understand in dealing with offenses, and it is that we have to do something. We must either take it directly to the person with whom we have an offense, or we must let it go. To do anything else is to gossip or hold bitterness; either is sin.

Now let’s look at Matthew 18:15-17 for ourselves and see Jesus’s “four-step” process in dealing with those who sin against you:

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How to Deal with Offenses: Part 1

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Let’s face it. People are difficult. Personalities clash, cultures battle, and ideals often oppose each other. Dealing with other people, especially within the Church, can be complicated.

Because of this, one of the most difficult – yet common – troubles we have as Christians is resolving offenses. It’s so easy for us to feel as if we’ve been wronged, and so we often look to the person with whom we have an issue, hoping that they will somehow change. We try to avoid conflict, so we do nothing.

But what should we really do?

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How to Deal with Far-from-God Friends: Part 2

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In the last post, we began to discuss how to handle friends who are drifting from the Lord.  However, it’s such a difficult issue to handle, that I can’t merely give a step-by-step guide to solve it.  Thus, part one of this post focused on the most important piece of these situations: my own attitude.

Before I can hope to see any change in those around me, I need to keep several things I mind:

I’m not all that close to God either.
Are they truly a Christian?
Is it my place to confront this person?
And finally, I can’t change anybody.

I must understand, then, that even though different situations and relationships may require that I respond differently, the principles outlined in the previous post are always applicable.  And while the four points of part one are important, they are by no means the only things to consider.

Knowing this, if the Lord has directed me to talk to a certain friend about his or her lifestyle or attitude, how do I go about doing so?

As I’ve stated before, every situation is different, because every person is different.  Even so, when I approach a friend who is drifting away from the Lord, I must always do so in two ways: in gentleness and in love.

In gentleness

The most important aspect of gentleness springs from this understanding: My friend is more important than his or her behavior.

Simply put, this means that I must always value my friend more than I value “fixing” their lifestyle.  Ultimately, if I am only making matters worse, I need to stop.  It is not worth losing a brother or sister.  Thus, in order to explain my concerns to a friend in gentleness, I have to be able to gauge how open and honest I can be with them without pushing them away. 

Is my friend someone who will respond well to my pointing out every weak area at once, or will it be better if I only suggest a single aspect of concern for now?  Will they understand the severity of their behavior more if I use scripture, or if I explain to them the consequences of their actions?

As these questions imply, how I confront a friend depends largely on who they are and on the traits of their personality.  Obviously, then, I can’t hope to be gentle if I don’t take the time to get to know them on a personal level! 

In love

At first, love seems synonymous with gentleness.  It is entirely unique, though, mainly because love is completely and utterly genuine.  I can have the wrong intentions and still be gentle, but that is not so with love!

Love (or agape love, more specifically) is wanting and seeking the best for others.  Again, the principle of gentleness is evident: I value my friend more than I value changing their lifestyle.  If I become so focused on trying to “fix” someone’s character, then my focus is no longer on Christ, and therefore no longer on love.

The fact that love is genuine is crucial.  Love is real.  If I act like I have no faults at all, why would anyone want to listen to me?  If I am to be genuine, I have to admit that I need to work on some areas too.  In fact, many times friends will be more open to change if I am open and honest about my own failures.  In this way, we become “accountability partners,” spurring one another on to good works (cf. Galatians 6:1-5, Hebrews 10:24).

In the end, if someone doesn’t see my genuine love and care, I will have no effect.  It’s important for them to know that I am not merely confronting them for confrontation’s sake.  I am doing so because I am concerned for them.  I want the best for my friend, not the spiritual, emotional, and even physical turmoil to which their current lifestyle is taking them.  I want to love them as my Savior loves them.

If the Lord is directing me to speak honestly with a friend about issues of sin, I must begin with my own mindset, knowing my place before Almighty God.  I must first take the matter to Him, and then approach my friend in love and gentleness.  When I approach each situation with Christ as my focus, He will work out everything else.

As I have mentioned before, there are so many situations in regard to friends who are drifting away from the Lord that I cannot possibly explain how to approach each one.  I’ve tried, however, to share some general principles and considerations to take into account, which can be applied to any circumstance.

I invite you to share your thoughts, advice, and questions in the comments section!  I would love to continue the discussion with you.

How to Deal with Far-from-God Friends: Part 1

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Having grown up in the church, I’ve seen many young people seemingly drift from our Lord.  At one point, it seemed like they were close to Him, but now it seems as if they’ve forgotten Him.

This is a saddening thing.  But even more saddening is the realization that this is not at all uncommon.  In fact, it’s become the norm in the Church today.  Left and right, youth are packing up and leaving the church in hordes.

As I see this happening, I’m forced to ask the question, “How do I deal with friends who are distant from God?”  It’s a touchy situation.  However, unless I’m going to allow them to walk away from the faith entirely, there are a number of things I must understand.

I’m not all that close to God either.

When I look to the wondrous perfection of the Lord, seeing His holiness, love, purity, and grace, I cannot help but come face-to-face with my own imperfection, sinfulness, filthiness, and incapability.  As I stare out across the chasm between God’s flawlessness and my own pitiful unworthiness, “close” doesn’t seem to be a fitting description.

In comparison with the distance between my character and my Savior’s, the difference between my “closeness” and that of anyone else is fractional at best.

Yet if I thought it were only a matter of who’s “closer” than whom, I would be missing the point.  Our position on the journey of sanctification is not really as important as our direction.  My job is to point people to my Savior; the rest is up to Him.

Are they truly a Christian?

If I am to ever try to bring people back to a right relationship with God, I must determine where they stand with Him.  My response to a brother or sister who is drifting away from the path of righteousness is different from my response to someone who is not a Christian at all.

Ultimately, the lifestyle of a non-Christian’s life is not my highest priority.  While it’s easy to focus on others’ behavior, my job is to spread the gospel and let the Lord take care of the rest.  So if my friend is not displaying evidence of a regenerated heart, there’s not much of a point in my trying to “fix” their lifestyle.

However, if I know that this friend is indeed a Christian, I have another responsibility.  As passages such as James 5:19-20, Galatians 6:1-5, and Luke 17:3 explain, I am accountable to my brothers and sisters as a member of the Body of Christ, and they are accountable to me.

(I won’t expound in this post how to tell whether a person is a Christian, but you’re welcome to discuss that in the comments!)

Is it my place to confront this person?

After realizing my own weakness and evaluating the relationship a friend has with the Lord, it’s important that I know when to confront a brother or sister and when to only pray for them.  After all, I can’t confront everyone, even though we all have areas of sin in our lives.

Fortunately, Matthew 18:15 gives a key condition to confronting sin: “If your brother sins against you …” (emphasis added).  Thus, if another Christian wrongs me personally, it’s my responsibility to resolve it.

But what if a friend is committing a sin that doesn’t involve me?  Am I to leave it alone?  Since there are many specific situations, this is largely something I must determine myself.  Each circumstance requires careful prayer and consideration.  (I will also leave this for further discussion in the comment section, since it is such a broad issue.)

I can’t change anybody

Ultimately, no matter how much I try, no matter how sincere my intentions, I will never be able to change anyone.

But really, why would I want to?  From my experience, just about everything I try to change of my own power fails.  Miserably. 

I can’t change anybody.  But that is just the way I want it.  I can rejoice, knowing that the very One Who has the power to change my hard heart can use me as His instrument to do His work in the hearts of those around me!  What an incredible thought.

So before I can hope to help any wayward friend, I need to ensure that my attitude is right.  I must understand that I’m not as close to my Savior as I may think.  I must ascertain where my friend is with the Lord.  I must know when it is right to confront them.  And finally, I must realize that I cannot change anyone of my own effort.

With this understanding, if God is prompting me to confront a brother or sister, how do I go about doing so?  How do I talk to someone about my concerns without turning them away?  Be sure to come back Wednesday, when we’ll discuss the “how” of dealing with far-from-God friends!

Knowing the God We've Forgotten

"I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers ... that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe." (Ephesians 1:16-19, emphasis added)

In today's society, the church is being increasingly compartmentalized into two groups: believers who "feel God" and ones who "know about God."  Sadly, as the dichotomy widens, both factions are pushed further and further apart to the point that both are extremes that often stray far from the Truth of Christianity.  In order to truly know God, however, it is crucial for us to find the truth in each of these viewpoints without swaying from scripture and so jeopardize a close walk with Christ.

The first view, "feeling" God, is mostly characterized by Evangelicals.  It began during the first Great Awakening, when dynamic preachers starkly contrasted the dull churches of the day.  These men gripped the emotions, but Christianity became consistently characterized by individual feeling and experience rather than true belief.  Doctrine was kicked to the curb as "spiritual experiences" took precedence.

Alternatively, as the Evangelical movement swept the country, some resisted by holding tighter to church organization, ordinance, and tradition.  While they preserved many sacred aspects of the faith and taught proper theology, they, much like the pharisees of Jesus's day, began to lose the fervor and zeal for the God they served.

And so it has continued to this day.  It is not difficult to notice that the Church of today has almost entirely embraced the Evangelical extreme.  As the philosophy of naturalism becomes much more common, belief in the Maker of the universe seems like fantasy.  Christianity has become therapeutic; "love," "faith," and emotional experience are the primary ideals of the Church, giving it a mystical feeling with little to no foundation in reality.

So what does this mean?  How does all of this help us to know God?  It's simple, really: we must regain the right perspective.  We can't develop a Christian worldview simply by having a "God experience."  Today, knowledge about God is second-priority - even shunned, but God wants us to know about Him!

But even more so, the Lord desires that we know Him.  This means that we not only feel His presence, but we diligently seek to understand who He is.  And yes, that requires studying His word.  It requires prayer.  It requires talking about Him with fellow believers.  It requires things that our "Just me and Jesus" society ignores.

I could really go on and on about this.  I invite you to continue the conversation in the comment section!  In the mean time, though, remember that merely knowing about God or feeling God is not enough.  We have to know God!

When the Nation Crumbled

In the book of 1 Kings, during the course of chapters 11 and 12, we find a very didactic - yet not-so-often-told - account of a pinnacle point in the history of the nation of Israel.

The story takes place just after the death of one of the most famous kings: Solomon, who was not only the wisest king, but the wealthiest as well.  However, even this did not secure his dedication to the Lord.  Sadly, Solomon turned his back on the very One who had lifted him up to greatness (1 Kings 11:1-10).  But I digress.

When Solomon died, his son, Rehoboam, began to reign (1 Kings 11:43).  Soon thereafter, Jeroboam (who was a servant of Solomon) and many others came to Rehoboam, asking him to lighten their workload (1 Kings 12:1-4).  And as any newbie to the throne might do, Rehoboam decided to consult some people for advice.

This is where things begin to escalate.  King Rehoboam consulted two different groups: the older men, who had been with his father Solomon, and the younger men, Rehoboam's peers.  The older men advised Rehoboam to lighten the workload (an advantageous political move), but his friends told him to show his might by increasing the workload (1 Kings 12:6-11).

We, nearly 3,000 years later, can find ourselves in a surprisingly parallel predicament.  With each passing generation in our culture, the separation and tension between the older and younger Christians of the Church increases formidably.  Each side pushes at the other, further widening the dichotomy.

While there are many aspects of this cultural divide and many ways in which the Church can and does fight against it, the story of Rehoboam gives us an amazingly beneficial lesson.  You see, Rehoboam chose to listen to his peers.  As a result, God's chosen ones underwent a painful split that separated the people into Israel and Judah, severing the nation.

As young adults in the Family and Body of our Lord and Savior, was must realize what is at stake.  We have to bridge the generational gap by earnestly seeking to learn from those who have been blessed with experiences and wisdom that we do not have (Titus 2:1-8, Proverbs 19:20).  Don't shy away from tuning your ear to the counsel of the wise.

More than a Set of Pews

     What is your concept of the church?  What value does it have to you?  Many of these kinds of questions have been left unanswered by today's youth; and if they have been answered, too often the answers are shaped by a worldly view.  The topic of whether or not the church is necessary in Christian life is becoming increasingly controversial in our culture.  Teens, even at young ages, are leaving the church in hoards.  Some argue that the church is only meant to convert non-believers and isn't required for those who are Christians, or that it's too judgmental, legalistic, or simply that they "aren't supposed to be there."  While the reasons for youth leaving the church vary quite a bit, I believe it is our mindset that first needs to change.

     If you think the church is simply an organization or a spiritual recharge station, you're wrong.  The church is not an organization, it was instituted by God.  If He commanded and established the church, how could we possibly brush it off as a mere formality?  Ephesians 5:25-30 tells us of God's incredible passion for the church.  He gave Himself for her, He cleansed her, and most of all He cherishes her.  Knowing this, how could we possibly think the church is just another organization?

     More than this, the church is much more than a spiritual recharge station.  Now you might say, "But that's basically what the church is, isn't it?  We come to get filled up, right?"  Well, yes and no.  The church is certainly a place where we can (or at least should) be able to get encouragement and get pumped up to pursue righteousness in our lives.  But if we come just for this, we're missing the entire point.  A "spiritual recharge station" implies that it's all about what we're getting.

     The early church is the greatest example of what our modern churches should look like.  In the entire book of Acts, every Christian was so fired up for Christ that they met in people's homes, gave everything they could to the ministry, and spread the news like a raging wildfire.  Unfortunately, it seems that we have lost this passion.

     It's not our job to sit in the pews and just hear the Word, it's our job to go out and do it.  Christ intends for the church to lead the ministry, but how can it if no one steps up?  Even as young people (especially as young people), we need to step into the ministries of the church.  Our generation needs to see youth who are passionate about the role of the church, and who are right there fulfilling their calling, not just sitting in the pews.

     What do you think is wrong with the church today?  What can you do in your own church that will inspire other youth to step up?  I'd love to hear your comments!

The Church of Tomorrow

     "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." - 1 Timothy 4:12, ESV

     The scripture above is a very popular verse that was part of a letter from Paul to the young Christian Timothy.  I especially love both letters of Timothy because they are a message from Paul, a champion in the faith and early church, to a young, growing Christian like you and me.  But instead of a dumbed-down, simplistic message, Paul told it to Timothy straight.  He didn't have to drop to Timothy's level; he spoke to him like the Christian brother that he was.  

     I've seen many churches emphasize this verse, telling youth that they are special - that they are the "church of tomorrow."  While this is true, I believe we put way too much emphasis on the first part of the verse and ignore the second part.  Honestly, if the youth of today are truly the "church of tomorrow".... we're doomed. Our culture has already lifted youth onto a pedestal that pushes parent, church, and even government authorities down to a point that youth now dominate society.  We focus so much on not letting anyone look down on our age that we forget that we are an example to every other Christian - whether young or old.  

     However, there's a reason why Paul put our example as believers directly after telling Timothy to let no one despise his youth.  It's because it's not just the responsibility of an adult to not look down on youth.  It's our responsibility too.  It's our responsibility to step up to the call to be more than youth and to be the example.  We need to be the example by edifying one another (Colossians 4:6, Ephesians 4:29), behaving like a true Christian (Ephesians 5:8), walking in love (Ephesians 5:2) and in faith (see Hebrews 11), and in our purity (Matthew 5:8, 2 Timothy 2:22).  This is how we are to be an example.

     Yes, we are the church of tomorrow.  But more importantly, we are the church of today.  What are you doing now that makes you a good example to others?  Are you encouraging other teens to grow in faith, or are you just part of the crowd?  We have a whole generation to reach.  Let's be the example - in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.

     

Am I a TRUE Christian?

Teens.

What kind of thoughts does that word bring to mind? Do you think of words such as “immature” or “rebellious”? To many people, these words describe how the teens of today appear.

Sadly, I believe my generation is becoming more and more characterized in this way. Sin has no doubt taken hold of every generation in history, but I don’t believe it has ever been so applauded or encouraged as it is by society today. Media everywhere promotes teenage rebellion against authority and discourages responsibility. 

The world seems to think that the teenage years are meant to simply have fun and enjoy life before you reach the years of adulthood, in which you must take up responsibility and somehow “become” mature adults. What the culture fails to realize is that the words of Scripture have held true for all generations:

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Prov. 22:6)

A teen that lives irresponsibly and in rebellion will eventually grow up to be – not surprisingly – an irresponsible and rebellious adult, seeking to please themselves instead of their Creator. Unfortunately, the story for Christian teens is not much different. In his book, Family Driven Faith, Pastor Voddie Baucham states,

“it is estimated that as many as 88% of teens who profess Christianity walk away from their faith by the end of their freshman year of college.”

If a teen comes to church every week and professes Christ as their savior, then why would so many be leaving the church? I believe that many times, a teen that simply professes Christ may not be a Christian at all. They may instead be what is called a nominal Christian, meaning a Christian “by name only” - someone who may say they’re a Christian, but who acts in an entirely different way when outside of a church environment. 

Now before we become quick to judge, the question needs to be asked, how are we any different? To the rest of the world, I may seem just the same as any other teen guy. How do we show that we are different? The answer can be found in 1 Corinthians 13:

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” (1 Cor. 13:11)

From this verse we can see that the “teenage” years aren't meant to be an in-between stage between childhood and adulthood. While we may not have the legal status of an adult, our teen years are still given to us by God to use for His purpose. We have the chance to serve our Savior more in these years than we may ever have later. 

But many times we let our age diminish our call. The fact that we are teens should not alter our role as followers of Christ – in fact it should enhance it. We’re not just teens. We’re Christians. That is what causes us to stand out from the world. Instead of letting the fact that you’re a teen decide your actions, let your Christianity decide. 

That’s what I want this blog to be about. I want to see my generation become true Christians. I want us to live for Christ unselfishly. I don’t want to wait until the world says I’m ready to be a true follower of Christ. I want to follow him now, even in the midst of trying times and persecution. But I can’t do it alone. 

So will you join me?