As
is most apparent by now, Valentine's Day is just about upon us. Usually
viewed as a romantic holiday for couples, what can Valentine's Day offer to
those of us who are single? Does God have a lesson for us to learn about
relationships, even before we engage in one? Yes. There are many
topics that could be shared about relationships to a single person. In
fact, I had trouble just narrowing down what topic I wanted to post! So
what do we need to learn before we engage in a relationship? You guessed
it... purity.
Now
before you close the page on me, this isn't a post about a list do's and
don't's, telling you what's too far and what's not, or even how or when you
should go about finding a relationship. This is so much more than any of
those things. Purity is something we don't just carry with us outside of
a relationship; it's something we take with us our entire lives.
Before we go any further, though, let me tell you what purity is not.
Purity is not a boundary or a "do not cross" line. It's
not simply physical, and it's most certainly not something we can brush to the
side. What is purity then? The best way to view purity is as a
direction. We walk in purity, not around it, not across
it, and definitely not over it. Purity is not allowing lust to get in the
way of our pursuit of God. We walk toward God, not swaying to the right
or the left, and not getting sidetracked by that guy or that girl we might
like. This is the direction of purity.
So
now that we know a little more about what purity is, how do we, as guys and
girls, walk in it? Let me start by outlining what our responsibilities as
guys are. To know how we can best walk in purity involves knowing how
those of the opposite sex are wired. In his book, Sex is not the
Problem (Lust is), Joshua Harris outlines this: "Their [a girl's]
desire is often rooted in emotional longings. They're stimulated by
touch. They're excited by being pursued." So how can we
interact with those of the opposite sex purely? We stay away from doing
what would distract a girl's attention from God and protect her from those who
do! Now be careful with the last part of that statement. I'm not
saying we should try to control someone's choices. But as those who are
trying to follow God and live in purity, if a brother in Christ is acting
flirtatiously with a sister in Christ, being accountable to each other as
Christians (1 Corinthians 5:11-13), we can politely advise him to stop.
We know the world will not protect a girl's physical, emotional, or
spiritual purity, so we as Christians must protect our sisters from those who
are simply out for the chase.
For the
Christian girls, you have some responsibility here too. How can you walk
in purity? One important way is to not be someone who encourages her
brothers in Christ to chase after her. Not every guy knows their
responsibilities in purity, not everyone has read Joshua Harris's book, and
certainly not everyone has read this post, so you can't expect everyone to act
in a godly way. Whether you realize it or not, the way you dress, speak,
and act can all have a humongous effect on a guy's heart. So don't be the
girl who provokes others to pursue her. As Joshua Harris's wife Shannon
says, "There's a big difference between dressing attractively and dressing
to attract." This goes for the way you act too. What is truly
attractive to a godly man is a girl's character and not her appearance or
flirtatious behavior.
This
has been a pretty long post, but I hope that it reminds you to always pursue
purity by first pursuing God, and keeping your brothers' and sisters' purity in
mind with how you act. For us singles on this couple-centered day called
Valentine's Day, remember that God has someone saved for you. You have to
save yourself for them. Until then, God is asking us, "Will you 'be
Mine'?"